Executive Cultist (dagonista) wrote,
Executive Cultist

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"Don't think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity."

So Mum and I were talking about New Year's Resolutions yesterday and I said I wasn't making any (and she said I should resolve to eat fewer eggs*), and then I realised I really, really should resolve to write. I can't even say "write more" because 2013 was the biggest wash-out for me writing-wise. Resolving to write more doesn't mean much if you're not writing anything you care about or want to share.

The problem is, I still don't know what I want to write. Nothing is really calling to me. I've been reading loads of urban fantasy recently, and it's all really repetitive and tropey and blah to me. I don't think I've fallen out of love with the genre, but I've definitely fallen out of love with the current style of the genre. I actually re-read the entire Merry Gentry series (except Divine Misdemeanors because I don't acknowledge that book's existence) over November and December and I bloody loved it. I mean, as a series it has numerous problems, but I just love how rich the world building started out and how magical it felt. I don't care what anyone says, Kiss of Shadows is a standout book and the best thing LKH ever produced. And then I started a few indie urban fantasy books I'd picked up and they pretty much all started with "hot magical girl walks into sexy nightclub; chaos ensues" and I just felt an overwhelming sense of ennui.

You can't create from ennui. You need to be in love to create, to really, truly create something magical and invigorating. I don't care how poncy and Bleeding Artiste that sounds; it's true for me. I can write. I can write stuff I don't really care about (see here and here) and write it well enough to get it published. But I can't make something alive and special unless I'm in love with it, like I was with Wild and Undertow. Those books were such hard fucking work and they may never see the light of day again, but I fucking love them to pieces and they were worth every second.

So I don't know how you get that back. I want to write more Ethan, forever, but I want to wait until I have the rights to Demonized back and then relaunch the series (only two years left!). I know the themes that fascinate me and get me excited but I haven't managed to find characters or plots to drive them with this year. I don't hate the witchy murder mystery UF thing I've been tinkering with recently, but it's not The Piece that's going to make me fall in love with writing again.

I'm torn between pushing myself to just write anything and get back in the habit, or waiting for lightning to strike. I know if I wait, I'll be waiting forever, because being creative requires a lot more effort than non-creative people seem to realise. But the idea of just slogging through some no-love project just for the sake of it makes me feel pretty exhausted. In the spirit of balls-to-the-wall Year of the Kraken, I think I do need to push. I just need to grab those themes I love and throw them at the wall until they stick.

*My mum doesn't understand macronutrients and it doesn't matter how many times I explain to her that your body needs fat for cell repair and protection, and that eating eggs three times a week isn't going to turn my heart into pulpy goo and kill me, she refuses to accept it.
Tags: state of the nome, what is this, writing, year of the kraken
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I feel the same way as you do, except for me it's trying to find the time and energy to write. I want to write so badly but after coming home from a long day at the hospital, I want to lay down, stare at the ceiling and do nothing. Then I have a day off, and I'm like, why bother? I'm just going to get killed at work and lose the energy all over again.

I know I need to smack myself and just write when I can, but it's hard and I lose the joy I had in the first place and now I'm whining, lol.

I hope you find that project that makes you head over heels in love again with writing. :) I miss Ethan and hope he makes a comeback soon.
It's so hard to get back in the habit, isn't it? I can't imagine how much harder it must be for you! But I hope you find the time and energy sooner rather than later - you're really talented and I love reading your work!
I hope I get my groove back again soon too and thanks, Nome. :) Looking forward to more Ethan, or whatever you decide to work on next!